Nurse Wannabes: I'm on to You!

I dislike posers of all stripes, but especially those of my own profession. Nothing chaps my hide more than to have a patient haughtily announce that she’s a nurse, too, and come to find out, she’s a medical assistant or a nursing student or worse, is still trying to pass the licensing exam. Word to dumb, dumber, and dumbest—you are not an RN or an LVN/LPN until you pass a licensing exam! So, please do not attempt to intimidate me with your ignorant bravado as I prepare to start your IV. I just might miss and have to stick your poser ass again. It serves you right for defiling the profession.

How do I figure you as a scammer? Well, if it’s not your idiotic, nonsensical chatter about medical conditions you learned about by watching ER and Grey’s Anatomy, then it’s your dyslexic interpretation of commonly used abbreviations in the medical profession. You see, we have our own jargon, and when you massacre it, we know you’re not one of us. Surprise!

I want to give a special shout-out to the woman who prattled on about being a nurse, yet wrote “NDAKF” next to the “Allergies” portion of her medical history form. Nice. I know you were wondering why I inquired about your allergies given your thorough, oh-so-medically-informed, answer. The truth is I’m pretty sure you meant “NKDA,” which refers to “No Known Drug Allergies,” but I just wanted to confirm you weren’t on some higher, more evolved plane of nursedom that I have yet to achieve. Turns out, you weren’t. You were just trying to pass yourself off as one of us, and you failed miserably.

Here’s some advice for next time: know your role and shut your hole! I worked hard to earn my degree and to pass the licensing exam, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to sit by idly while you make a mockery of my profession. Contrary to what you may think, I have a right to question you, especially when I think you don’t know what you’re talking about. Better study up next time, girlfriend. Renegade RN is one hell of an examiner, and you better have your A-game on if you want to play me.