Just Telling It Like It Is

1) A tubal ligation can be reversed; a hysterectomy cannot. But, if certain people get elected, we will certainly revisit this issue because any civilized, democratic society will make sure its women never do anything to interfere with their “natural” childbearing capacities for any reason, age or medical conditions be damned!

2) There’s a lot of stuff between a woman’s legs—a clitoris, urethra, vagina, vulva, anus, etc. Referring to your “stuff” when describing a symptom is not helpful. Telling me your “stuff is messed up” or your “stuff be hurtin’” or “somethin’ be all up in your stuff” does nothing to help me pinpoint your problem. Furthermore, I don’t want to play Where’s Waldo in your genitalia. Learn the proper names of your anatomy!

3) People lie; sonograms don’t lie. When your teenage daughter tells you she had sex for the first time two months ago, and the sonogram reveals she’s six months pregnant, please don’t pester me about how this can be possible since she only had sex two months ago. Think about it.

4) The “tip” of the penis is the most dangerous part. Once the tip is in, there’s no going back. For those of you shrugging your shoulders in disbelief that you are pregnant when “he only put the tip in,” you've just learned a hard lesson. Let's hear it for abstinence-only education!

5) There is no anti-aging medicine for your ovaries, and you are not entitled to pregnancy. You may not look your age thanks to Botox, but your eggs are still 45 years-old. Deal with it, please.